The landscape of human identity is far richer and more complex than traditional definitions allow, challenging centuries-old assumptions about who we are. For many, gender extends beyond the binary of 'man' or 'woman,' leading to the emergence of terms like nonbinary and enby. But what does it mean to identify this way, and how can we better understand and respect these identities?
Nonbinary is an umbrella term for individuals whose gender identity does not fit exclusively into the categories of man or woman. This internal sense of self can be between, beyond, or entirely different from these two traditional genders (Losty & O'Connor, 2018). Understanding these identities is crucial for fostering a more inclusive and empathetic society.
Defining Nonbinary Identity: Beyond the Binary
At its core, nonbinary describes anyone whose gender identity isn't solely male or female. This can encompass a vast array of experiences, from feeling a blend of genders to having no gender at all. The term reflects a personal understanding that transcends societal expectations of gender.
The term 'enby' is a phonetic shortening of 'NB,' which stands for nonbinary. While often used interchangeably, it's important to recognize that not all nonbinary individuals prefer to be called enby. For instance, some Black nonbinary people find 'NB' problematic as it can also mean 'non-Black,' while some nonbinary adults might feel 'enby' sounds infantilizing (Richards et al., 2016). The best approach is always to ask an individual their preferred terminology. This respect for personal preference is fundamental to allyship, demonstrating an understanding of what does it mean to truly see someone for who they are.
Nonbinary identities fall under the broader umbrella of transgender experiences. Historically, 'transgender' was often narrowly defined as transitioning between binary genders. However, the modern understanding embraces the full spectrum of gender identities that do not align with one's sex assigned at birth. Many nonbinary people identify as transgender, though some may not feel that label fits their specific journey.
Gender, Sex, and Orientation: Unpacking Key Differences
To truly grasp nonbinary identity, it's essential to differentiate between gender identity, gender expression, sex assigned at birth, and sexual orientation. These concepts are often conflated but are distinct aspects of a person's identity.
Gender Identity vs. Sex
Gender identity is an individual's internal, deeply felt sense of being a man, woman, both, neither, or somewhere else along the gender spectrum. It is profoundly personal and doesn't always align with the sex assigned at birth. Cisgender individuals identify with the gender typically associated with their birth sex, while transgender people do not.
Sex assigned at birth, conversely, refers to biological characteristics such--chromosomes, hormones, and anatomy--typically categorized as male, female, or intersex (Clayton & Tannenbaum, 2016). Intersex individuals are born with a combination of hormonal or anatomical traits that don't fit typical definitions of male or female, demonstrating that biological sex itself isn't a strict binary.
Gender Expression
Gender expression is how a person outwardly presents their gender. This can include clothing, hairstyle, mannerisms, and voice. It's how someone communicates their gender to the world. A person's gender expression may or may not align with their gender identity, and it's important not to assume one based on the other. For example, a nonbinary person might express themselves in a traditionally masculine, feminine, or androgynous way on any given day, independent of their internal identity.
Sexual Orientation
Sexual orientation describes a person's romantic or sexual attraction to others. This is entirely independent of gender identity or sex. People of any gender identity can have any sexual orientation. For example, a nonbinary individual might identify as heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, or asexual (Moleiro & Pinto, 2015). Understanding what does it mean to be nonbinary requires separating it from assumptions about who someone is attracted to.
Exploring the Spectrum: Diverse Nonbinary Identities
Nonbinary is an umbrella term, but many specific identities exist within it. These terms help individuals articulate their unique experiences of gender. Here are some commonly discussed nonbinary identities:
- Agender: Identifying as having no gender or a neutral/undefined gender. Often used interchangeably with genderless or neutrois. An agender person might feel completely disconnected from traditional gender concepts.
- Bigender: Experiencing two distinct gender identities, either simultaneously or at different times. An individual might feel both male and female, or perhaps female and agender.
- Genderfluid: Moving between two or more gender identities over time. A genderfluid person's identity might shift daily, weekly, or monthly, embracing different aspects of their gender spectrum.
- Genderqueer: An umbrella term for individuals with nonbinary gender identities. Some people identify with genderqueer as their primary identity. While widely used, it's always best to ensure an individual identifies with this term before using it, as some may find it contentious.
- Two-Spirit: A pan-tribal term used by and for Indigenous North Americans to describe a variety of genders with specific social, spiritual, and ceremonial roles within their cultures (Robinson, 2020). This term is specific to Indigenous communities and should not be used by non-Indigenous people.
These terms are not exhaustive, and individual experiences can vary widely. The journey of understanding one's gender is deeply personal, and the language used to describe it evolves.
Sexual Orientation and Nonbinary Individuals
Sexual orientation is often discussed in relation to gender, leading to common misconceptions when applied to nonbinary people. For instance, traditional definitions of 'heterosexual' (attraction to the opposite gender) or 'homosexual' (attraction to the same gender) might seem complicated when one's gender isn't strictly male or female. However, nonbinary people can and do identify with these and other sexual orientations.
For example, a nonbinary person who is attracted exclusively to women might identify as a lesbian, while another nonbinary individual attracted solely to men might identify as gay. A nonbinary person attracted to all genders could identify as pansexual. Sexual orientation is about who a person is attracted to, and nonbinary individuals, like all people, have diverse attractions.
Some nonbinary individuals may also identify as 'woman-aligned' or 'man-aligned.' This can mean their gender feels connected to womanhood or manhood, or that they share social experiences similar to women or men. This alignment does not diminish their nonbinary identity; it simply provides another layer of self-understanding. For example, a nonbinary person assigned male at birth who is only attracted to women and experiences transmisogyny might identify as a lesbian, reflecting both their nonbinary identity and their social location (APA, 2015).
Navigating Pronouns: Respectful Communication
Using correct pronouns is a fundamental aspect of respecting a person's gender identity. Many nonbinary individuals use gender-neutral pronouns, with 'they/them/theirs' being the most common singular form. For example, instead of saying, 'He went to the store,' one would say, 'They went to the store' when referring to someone who uses they/them pronouns (Harris et al., 2017).
While using singular 'they' might feel unfamiliar at first, it's a practice many people already use instinctively when a person's gender is unknown (e.g., 'Someone left their umbrella; I hope they come back for it'). Practicing using 'they/them' for individuals who use these pronouns is a simple yet powerful way to affirm their identity. Misgendering--using incorrect pronouns or gendered language--can be deeply invalidating and contribute to significant mental health challenges for transgender and nonbinary people (McLemore, 2016).
It's equally important to remember that using 'they/them' for a binary transgender person (e.g., a trans woman who uses 'she/her') can also be a form of misgendering and is considered transphobic. Always respect the pronouns an individual explicitly states. If you're unsure, politely ask, 'What pronouns do you use?'
Fostering Inclusivity: Supporting Nonbinary People
Supporting nonbinary individuals means creating environments where they feel seen, respected, and safe. This goes beyond just using correct pronouns; it involves a deeper understanding of their experiences and challenges. For example, advocating for gender-neutral restrooms in public spaces, ensuring forms include nonbinary gender options, and challenging gender stereotypes in everyday conversations are all ways to foster inclusivity.
Education is key. Learning about diverse gender identities, listening to nonbinary voices, and actively questioning binary assumptions helps dismantle harmful norms. When we understand what does it mean to exist outside traditional gender boxes, we can better support people's well-being. If you or someone you know is seeking support related to gender identity, resources like the LGBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564 offer confidential peer support.
Creating a truly inclusive world requires continuous learning, empathy, and a commitment to affirming every individual's authentic self. Recognizing the validity and richness of nonbinary identities is a vital step in this ongoing journey.
