If you've ever felt like you were on a slightly different wavelength, or that certain experiences people described just didn't quite match yours, you're not alone. Many autistic individuals, especially women and BIPOC, go undiagnosed well into adulthood. As an autistic psychologist myself, I once overlooked the signs in my own childhood, mistaking them for quirks or personality traits. It wasn't until later in life that I recognized these indicators. Here are five subtle signs of autism I missed during my younger years, which i'm autistic psychologist--here are clues that might resonate with you too.
Atypical Early Development
Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) manifests in the early developmental period, though traits might not become fully apparent until social demands exceed an individual's capacity (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). This means that if you are autistic, you've been autistic your entire life, even if it wasn't recognized.
While some autistic children are identified very young, often due to noticeable delays in reaching milestones like speaking, atypical development doesn't always mean delays. I, for instance, spoke my first sentence at 18 months and quickly progressed to complex sentences. My parents saw this as a sign of giftedness--a common perception when neurodivergent traits align with perceived strengths. Looking back, this accelerated language development was an early indicator of my autistic neurology.
Consider also the child who, instead of engaging in typical play, might spend hours meticulously arranging toys in precise patterns or developing an advanced vocabulary far beyond their peers. These are not necessarily signs of precocious talent but can be early manifestations of autistic ways of processing and engaging with the world.
Intense Special Interests
I've always had a tendency to dive headfirst into my interests. In elementary school, my fascination with wolves led me to research their populations, social behaviors, and conservation efforts. I'd spend hours at the library, long before the internet was ubiquitous, compiling a detailed, handwritten report complete with drawings. The catch? No one had assigned this project. I actually neglected my actual homework to pursue this passion project, a behavior my teachers found peculiar.
This intense focus on a chosen topic is a hallmark of autism. It's not just a hobby; it's a deep, consuming passion that drives learning and exploration. While neurotypical children might have favorite toys or subjects, the autistic child's engagement is often on a different level - akin to a researcher embarking on a lifelong study.
Another example could be a child who becomes an expert on a specific historical period, memorizing dates, figures, and societal structures with astonishing accuracy, or another who can identify hundreds of bird species by their calls alone. These aren't just fleeting fancies; they represent a profound depth of engagement that can define a significant part of their childhood experience.
Unique Social Behaviors
Autism is often misunderstood through a lens of social deficits, leading to misdiagnoses, particularly for those who manage to form friendships. The assumption that an autistic person cannot have close relationships is a significant barrier to accurate diagnosis (McQuaid et al., 2022).
I had a best friend throughout elementary school, and we bonded over shared special interests. We got along well, but we often found ourselves on the periphery of larger social groups. Our classmates sometimes perceived our interests and behaviors as unusual, but because we could form a friendship, our neurodivergence was overlooked. In the '90s, such nuances were even more likely to be missed. The key takeaway is that autistic communication is multifaceted; simply observing friendship status doesn't tell the whole story.
Think about the child who prefers solitary activities but is deeply engaged in imaginative worlds, or the one who struggles with small talk but can hold profound conversations about abstract concepts. These individuals might not fit the stereotype of social ineptitude, yet their social interactions might be qualitatively different, marked by a preference for depth over breadth, or directness over social niceties. It's about understanding the *how* and *why* of their social engagement, not just the presence or absence of friends.
Periods of Hyperfocus
From a very young age, I possessed an extraordinary ability to become completely absorbed in activities. My parents could leave me unsupervised for extended periods because I was so engrossed in my play or chosen task that I didn't require constant interaction or intervention. This intense concentration was viewed as a positive trait, allowing me significant autonomy.
Traditional methods for identifying neurodivergence often rely on behaviors that disrupt others. However, the capacity for sustained, deep focus--hyperfocus--is a significant trait that allows autistic individuals to achieve remarkable feats, though it can also make shifting attention challenging. This ability to tune out the world and immerse oneself in a task was seen as a strength, without recognizing its connection to my autistic neurology.
Imagine a child spending an entire afternoon building an intricate Lego castle, completely oblivious to the world around them, or another who devours a complex chapter book in a single sitting, internalizing every detail. This isn't just concentration; it's a state of deep immersion that can be both a superpower and a challenge when the demands of the external world require a rapid shift in focus.
Sensory Traits and Stimming
Many autistic people experience hypersensitivity (avoiding certain stimuli) or hyposensitivity (seeking stimuli). I experience both, depending on the situation. This means I can be easily understimulated, leading to boredom and agitation, or overstimulated, resulting in overwhelm and shutdowns. Essentially, I constantly require stimulation, but it must be precisely the right kind and amount, or it can be detrimental.
I've always preferred snug clothing, yet as a child, I couldn't tolerate the feel of jeans. I enjoy intensely flavored foods but gag at certain textures. I also engaged in movements--what I now recognize as stimming--because the sensory input helped me self-regulate. These sensory experiences were present throughout my childhood, but I lacked the language to describe them until much later.
For instance, a child might consistently seek out deep pressure by hugging pillows tightly or wrapping themselves in blankets, finding comfort in the intensity of the sensation. Conversely, another might be extremely sensitive to the sound of a ticking clock or the feel of certain fabric tags, experiencing genuine distress. Stimming behaviors, like hand-flapping, rocking, or repetitive vocalizations, are often crucial coping mechanisms that help regulate sensory input and emotional states.
Understanding and Self-Discovery
It's never too late to deepen your understanding of yourself. If you suspect you might be neurodivergent, exploring the experiences of the autistic community can be incredibly validating. Resources like Embrace Autism offer free tools to help you assess if these traits resonate with your own life. While a professional evaluation is necessary for an official diagnosis, research indicates that self-diagnosis holds significant validity within the autistic community (Sturm et al., 2024).
Finding a qualified professional who understands neurodivergence can be instrumental in your journey toward self-acceptance and meeting your needs. Whether you seek a formal diagnosis or supportive therapy, embracing your unique neurological makeup is a powerful step toward living authentically.
