In a world brimming with external chaos and constant demands, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. The important step all of us often overlook is not about mastering external circumstances, but rather gaining clarity on what truly lies within our sphere of influence. This fundamental shift – embracing small, consistent actions and accepting what we cannot change – is the key to navigating life’s complexities and achieving genuine well-being. By understanding this crucial distinction, we empower ourselves to make meaningful progress every single day, rather than waiting for a single, defining moment.
Too often we overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making a little progress every day.
Problem: The Illusion of External Control
You’re likely familiar with the timeless wisdom embedded in the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This profound statement highlights a common human struggle. When life feels chaotic, our natural inclination is to exert control over external factors, desperately trying to alleviate anxiety and stave off feelings of powerlessness.
The harsh truth, however, is that an overwhelming majority of things are simply beyond our influence. The actions of others, unforeseen weather patterns, or even whether our efforts receive the recognition they deserve – these outcomes are shaped by myriad factors entirely separate from us. This inherent lack of control often becomes a significant source of friction and frustration, leading to profound unhappiness (Harvard, 2024). Acknowledging this reality, paradoxically, offers immense liberation. It grants us explicit permission to release our grip on external events and allow them to unfold as they may.
Stoic philosopher Epictetus articulated this wisdom centuries ago: “Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions.” Overcoming the “three big un’s” – unhappiness, unconvinced things will ever change, and unsure what to do next – begins with internalizing this distinction. This understanding is the important step all individuals must take to reclaim their peace.
Challenge: Why This Crucial Step for Everyone Feels So Hard
Making this mental shift is far from simple. Most of us have spent a lifetime internalizing the habit of worrying about things we cannot control. Society, in many ways, inadvertently encourages this, conditioning us to focus on external achievements and validation. For many, this preoccupation with external factors becomes a deeply ingrained habit, requiring conscious effort to replace it with a healthy understanding of our true sphere of influence.
We’ve all heard variations of advice like, “Why don’t you just get over it?” or “Just let it go.” While these sentiments carry a kernel of truth, implying that “time heals all wounds,” the reality is more nuanced. Wounds, whether physical or emotional, heal differently depending on how they are treated. Ignoring a gash in your skin might eventually lead to it closing, but it will likely leave a prominent scar and remain vulnerable to future injury. Stitches, however, facilitate proper healing, minimizing scarring and reducing the risk of re-injury.
Emotional wounds operate similarly. While the intensity of emotional pain may diminish over time, simply “getting over it” often leaves residual “scars.” This is the important step all need to understand: true healing requires active engagement, not passive waiting.
Failures: The Scars of Unresolved Issues
In an emotional context, these “scars” manifest as baggage – unresolved issues and lingering pain that we inadvertently carry into every aspect of our lives. This emotional baggage accumulates, subtly influencing our decisions, shaping our relationships, and coloring our attitudes. Eventually, we might find ourselves suffering from the “three un’s”: unhappiness, feeling unconvinced that things will ever change, and being unsure of what to do next.
Choosing to ignore or downplay these emotional wounds puts us at significant risk, both mentally and emotionally. Unresolved issues don’t simply vanish; they take up residence in our minds, subtly eroding our happiness and limiting our potential. They can manifest as chronic stress, anxiety, and even physical ailments, impacting our overall well-being in the increasingly complex landscape of 2025.
Marc and I experienced this firsthand over a decade ago when we faced the simultaneous loss of two loved ones to self-harm and illness. The profound grief left us feeling utterly knocked down and stuck in a rut. It felt nearly impossible to make any significant progress when we lacked the perceived strength to push forward. If you’re currently feeling this way – that making substantial progress today seems impossible – your feelings are valid. Significant progress rarely happens in an instant; it’s the gradual, consistent accumulation of tiny positive steps over time. This consistent effort is the important step all must learn to embrace for genuine healing.
Root Cause: Misunderstanding Our Sphere of Influence
The fundamental reason we struggle with this vital life skill lies in a deep-seated misunderstanding of what is genuinely within our control. From childhood, many of us are taught to strive for external validation, success, and approval, often at the expense of our internal landscape. We are conditioned to react to external stimuli, to seek happiness in possessions, achievements, or the opinions of others. This external focus creates a perpetual cycle of anxiety and disappointment because these external factors are inherently unpredictable and uncontrollable.
Our brains are also hard-wired to avoid pain, pushing us to sidestep uncomfortable emotions or challenging situations. This innate avoidance mechanism, while protective in some contexts, becomes detrimental when it prevents us from confronting and processing emotional wounds. Instead of “going through it,” we try to “go around it,” leading to the accumulation of emotional baggage rather than true resolution. Recognizing this core psychological tendency is an important step all can take towards greater self-awareness and healthier coping mechanisms.
Furthermore, the sheer volume of information and external pressures in our modern world, particularly in 2025, can make it even harder to distinguish between what we can influence and what we cannot. The constant barrage of news, social media, and societal expectations often pulls our focus outwards, away from the internal work that truly matters.
Solution: Embracing the Power of Tiny, Consistent Progress
Instead of trying to “get over it,” the true path to healing and growth is to “go through it,” one deliberate step at a time. This is the important step all must take – a commitment to consistently engage with our internal world and take small, positive actions. Revisiting painful memories or confronting present challenges is undeniably difficult, but it’s a necessary part of the healing process. Ignoring problems doesn’t make them disappear; it merely allows them to fester, impacting our mental health and overall well-being.
The solution lies in shifting our focus from monumental, overwhelming tasks to manageable, incremental improvements. Consider the profound impact of tiny changes, as highlighted in “The Good Morning Journal.” Just a one-degree change in temperature can transform water into vapor or ice into liquid. This seemingly insignificant shift yields dramatically different results. This principle applies universally. For instance, consistently dedicating just 15 minutes a day to learning a new skill, like coding or a language, can lead to remarkable proficiency within a year, a far cry from achieving nothing by waiting for a large block of time. Similarly, a small daily walk, even just ten minutes, can significantly improve cardiovascular health over months, an important step all can easily incorporate.
This philosophy holds true in every facet of our lives. The smallest, most fundamental actions we take each day, whether positive or negative, accumulate over time. They either propel us closer to our desired destination or subtly steer us further away. Yet, we often overlook this reality, defaulting to the belief that our daily actions are too insignificant to matter. We continue to try and exert control over the bigger things we have no power over, missing the most impactful lever for change (Harvard, 2024).
The Compounding Effect: How Small Shifts Create Big Outcomes
The concept of a tiny change being compounded by time and distance offers a powerful analogy. Imagine you are traveling towards a specific destination, but you are off course by just one tiny degree in the wrong direction. The impact might seem negligible at first:
- After one mile, you would be off course by over 92 feet.
- If you were trying to travel from San Francisco to Washington, D.C., you would land near Baltimore, Maryland, over 42 miles away from your desired destination.
- Traveling around the world from Washington, D.C. back to Washington D.C., you’d miss by 435 miles and end up landing near Boston instead.
- In a spaceship traveling to the moon, a one-degree error would have you missing the moon by over 4,100 miles.
This illustrates how, over time and distance, a mere one-degree change in course makes a significant, even dramatic, difference. This compounding effect is not limited to navigation; it’s a universal principle that applies to personal growth, financial stability, and health. Consider the slight daily changes in our habits: consistently making one healthier food choice each day, saving a small amount of money, or engaging in a brief moment of mindfulness. Each of these is an important step all can take.
How much richer would your life be if you committed to making just one degree of effort toward improving something about your situation each day? While it might be harder than doing nothing, it doesn’t have to be overwhelmingly difficult. The key is to muster the courage to break free from the status quo and take one small, fundamental step forward today, and then repeat that action tomorrow. Pick something tiny and productive to improve upon, and then integrate it into your daily routine. Doing so will make an undeniable difference, potentially transforming your life in just a few short weeks or months. This is the important step all must embrace for lasting change in 2025 and beyond.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the most important step all of us overlook for personal growth?
The most important step all of us overlook is the consistent, deliberate practice of taking tiny, manageable actions toward our goals and well-being, while simultaneously accepting what lies outside our control. This daily commitment to incremental progress, rather than waiting for significant external shifts, is the true catalyst for lasting change.
How can I start making small changes effectively in my daily life?
To start effectively, identify one small, specific habit you want to cultivate or improve. Make it so tiny that it feels almost impossible to fail – for example, reading one page of a book, drinking an extra glass of water, or stretching for two minutes. Consistency is more important than intensity initially. Track your progress to build momentum and reinforce the habit.
Why is it so hard to accept what I can’t control?
It’s challenging to accept what you can’t control because humans are hard-wired to seek certainty and avoid feelings of powerlessness. Society often reinforces the belief that we should be able to control all aspects of our lives. Overcoming this requires a conscious mental shift, often aided by practices like mindfulness and Stoic philosophy, which emphasize focusing energy only on what is within your sphere of influence.
