If you've ever struggled to remember a colleague's new name after their transition, or worried about accidentally using the wrong name for a loved one, you're not alone--but understanding why this matters is crucial. Deadnaming--what it is why it's harmful--isn't just about forgetting a name; it's about recognizing someone's fundamental identity and respecting their journey toward authenticity.
Understanding Deadnaming
Deadnaming refers to the act of calling or referring to someone by a name they no longer use, typically their birth name from before their transition. While technically anyone who changes their name could experience this, the term specifically describes the harmful practice directed toward transgender, gender nonconforming, and nonbinary individuals. Unlike casual name changes, deadnaming carries significant emotional weight because it rejects a person's affirmed identity.
Consider this workplace example: A team member transitions and changes their name from Michael to Maya. When colleagues continue to use "Michael" in emails or meetings--even unintentionally--they're not just using the wrong name. They're communicating that they don't fully recognize Maya's identity, creating a hostile environment that can affect her performance and wellbeing.
The Mental Health Impact
Research consistently shows that using someone's chosen name significantly improves mental health outcomes. A comprehensive study found that gender affirmation through name and marker changes was associated with lower rates of depression, anxiety, and psychological distress (Journal of Adolescent Health, 2023). Conversely, deadnaming--what it is why it matters--undoes this positive effect by triggering what mental health professionals describe as identity invalidation.
Trauma and Triggers
For many transgender individuals, their former name is tied to painful experiences: years of being misgendered, childhood bullying, family rejection, or internal struggles with dysphoria. When someone uses that name, even accidentally, it can bring all those memories flooding back. Imagine someone who associates their deadname with years of depression and self-doubt suddenly hearing it in a casual conversation--the emotional whiplash is immediate and profound.
This isn't merely about discomfort. Deadnaming can activate the body's stress response system, increasing cortisol levels and triggering anxiety symptoms. The American Psychological Association notes that chronic identity invalidation contributes to higher rates of mental health challenges among transgender populations (APA, 2024).
Why People Change Names
Name changes within the transgender community are rarely casual decisions. They represent a fundamental step in aligning one's external identity with internal truth. Unlike cisgender name changes (like marriage-related changes), transgender name changes often involve:
- Escaping names that feel misaligned with gender identity
- Creating distance from traumatic periods of life
- Establishing autonomy over one's identity narrative
- Building confidence through self-definition
Consider social media platforms: When someone changes their display name and pronouns, then receives comments using their deadname, it creates a digital environment where they cannot fully exist as themselves. This constant micro-invalidation accumulates, affecting both online and offline mental health.
How to Avoid Deadnaming
Changing habits requires intentional effort, but the impact on others makes it essential. Here are practical strategies beyond basic reminders:
- Visual reinforcement: Place a photo with the person's correct name where you'll see it daily
- Digital updates: Immediately change contact information in your phone, email, and social media
- Practice aloud: Use their name in sentences when alone to build muscle memory
- Correct others: Gently intervene when you hear someone else deadnaming
- Contextual reminders: Associate their name with specific settings ("Sam from work")
Family dynamics present particular challenges. When a teenager comes out and changes their name, parents might struggle with years of habit. In these cases, family therapy approaches recommend practicing the new name while looking at childhood photos, helping rewire those neural pathways while maintaining emotional connection.
When Mistakes Happen
Even with best intentions, mistakes occur. The key is handling them with grace and efficiency. Follow this three-step approach:
1. Brief apology: "I'm sorry, I used the wrong name." Avoid lengthy explanations that center your feelings.
2. Immediate correction: Use the correct name in the next sentence without pause.
3. Move forward: Continue the conversation naturally. Don't dwell on the error or seek reassurance.
This method minimizes the emotional labor placed on the person who was deadnamed. They shouldn't have to comfort you about your mistake--your job is to correct it and demonstrate through continued action that you're committed to getting it right.
Broader Implications
Deadnaming--what it is why it persists--reflects deeper societal patterns of invalidating transgender experiences. When institutions (schools, workplaces, healthcare systems) fail to update records promptly, they create environments where deadnaming becomes systemic rather than individual. Each instance communicates that transgender identities are less valid, less permanent, or less worthy of respect.
The solution extends beyond personal correction. Advocate for policies that streamline name changes in organizational systems. Support legislation that protects transgender individuals from intentional deadnaming in professional settings. Remember that using someone's chosen name isn't political correctness--it's basic human dignity backed by substantial mental health research.
Ultimately, understanding deadnaming--what it is why it matters--means recognizing that names are more than labels. They're declarations of self, bridges between internal truth and external reality, and fundamental components of mental wellbeing for transgender individuals. Getting it right isn't just polite; it's psychologically protective.
